Waiting to be rescued by a pirate

I love Jack Sparrow-never before has a movie character caught my fancy (the only other character that comes close to this kind of devotion from me is Garfield-and no, the crappy Garfield movie has killed the spirit (or the lack of it) that the character epitomizes).
The context-I watched Pirates of the Caribbean over the weekend-both parts and my love for Jack Sparrow just grew exponentially. Orlando Bloom looked more like an excuse for a man in front of him. Oh yeah, he’s the right side of every human being but also so manufactured to be right. Sparrows’s spontaneous in action and well, have to concede, quite pre-determined in thought.

He’s such an unlikely candidate for affection-this vile opportunistic fellow, who puts his interests upfront and in front of anything and everything else. He’s blatantly selfish, even treacherous & yes, grimy as hell-but oh man, is he quirky. Unpredictable. Absolutely witty. Layers of eccentric mystery. Oodles of sinful charm. You just can’t get enough of him-there is so much more you want to know about him and so much more you want to imagine- for example, I want to know how Jack Sparrow was as a kid, what kind of games did he play, did he as a 3 yrs old trick kids twice his age into doing his bidding? Did he get spanked by his mom for being a precocious kid? What would he be like if he was transported to this day and age? Would he be a wheeler-dealer? A politician? An activist? An underworld don? Quite a misfit in today’s scenario where he would be devoid of a cause or of his spirit of adventure. He hardly has a chance to shine through in this religion-fixated, terrorism-dominated consumerist world. Devious he may be, but not soul-less enough to survive in the world of today.

No, he’s perfect as the pirate who plunders but doesn’t stop rob people of hopes or dreams. Someone who needs both a dentist and a laundro-mat, but could slink in a lesson in style to all the dudes out there. Someone who shies away from virtues but yet gets looked upto by honest and god-fearing people in the most unusual circumstances. How I would love to know him in person-this enigmatic charismatic conundrum who speaks his mind via smart repartee but knows not how to express his need for another human being. Turbulent as the sea and grey as the sky above him-he makes you want to dive right into him and explore yourself. That’s the reason I adore him. Savvy?

Ok, I got a serious bout of writer’s block & I hereby suspend the Singapore series until further notice-so the latest thing from the blogger’s wok is a “10 series” Each day (don’t count on that-I’ve had a few false starts) I’ll try to put forth a candid take on life’s elements-today, its 10 types of people I would like to stay away from: (in no particular order of repulsion)

a) Feigned Familarity seekers- These are the types who met you yesterday and proclaimed themselves as your best friends day before-easily recognizable with the pretentious smile, heightened encroachment of personal space and those attempts at sharing laughs & just that hint of a private joke (when none exists) , especially when someone else is around. I find it easier to hug (cute) strangers than to breathe the same oxygen as these characters.
b) Talkathon Tyrants- They love talking about various subjects, as long as those subjects start and end with themselves-be warned, some of them might be funny in the beginning, but as the minutes wear off, so does your patience. They somehow missed the gazillion trainings on how to be a good listener & how to read body language-loss of eye contact, yawns…nothing works-so unless you want to put yourself through a torture test or practice exclamations like “really!” or “how interesting”-Stay away!
c) Acquired acquaintances- These are the friends’ friends or relatives’ relatives who happen to have one common variable as you- age group, location, marital status, work place, language, nationality, what-have-you. Obviously an evening based on one common variable can get pretty dull and full of those pregnant pauses when people are wondering what to say or when dinner would be served.
d) Hypocrites- No explanations here. People who say what they don’t mean and are opportunistically double faced get nothing but severe condemnation from me.
e) Steal the Thunder types- These are the guys who try to one-up you each time, even when they don’t have anything to supersede your achievement-the intention is to just steal your moment and shift the spotlight on to themselves. Remember Boman Irani in Waqt? “yeh to kuch bhi nahi hai”-“asli so and so to tab hua tha jab main…”
f) I-told-you-so- This is probably the worst your support system can do-take the moment to gloat on their judgement rather than the predicament facing you. What’s annoying about this variety is that they are not unequivocally bad-just too enamored by how right they were and how you should have listened to them-but then again, isn’t it always easier to be smarter in hindsight?
g) Wannabes- This variety can manifest itself in many ways- trying to pass off a false American accent, wearing tons of garish gold, flaunting material possessions to unsuspecting guests, not watching Hindi movies coz they are oh-so-passé, laughing in spite of not catching on to the joke, speaking in a deplorable version of English (despite being fluent in another language),….oh the list is endless. Being something other than yourself is the worst sort of dishonesty & maybe the most damaging thing you could do to yourself.
h) Fair weather friends-its quite a misnomer to call those who are there by your side when things are hunky dory but do the vanishing act when things are no longer great. How can you count on someone who is opportunistic enough to synchronize their appearance in your life with the crests & troughs of your life? I’d rather send these parasites to a loyalty boot camp.
i) Activist relatives- You know I truly support the wise guy/girl who said that “you can choose your friends, but not your relatives”-The amount of interference & interest in your life that your relatives exhibit & exercise tends to be exponentially proportional to your age (e.g-time to get married?) and income (why do you want to do this kind of a job?) and inversely proportional to your distance from them (both physical and emotional). Nothing to discount the well meaning concern that does shine through on many occasions, but when you know the other person actually doesn’t know zilch about you nor does he/she take pains to understand what you really want, you just wish this was an independent variable you could drop off life’s calculations..!
j) Anyone who doesn’t respect people- This includes making fun of physically challenged people, sexual harassment, racism, discrimination on any pathetic basis-anything essentially that you wouldn’t want for yourself or your near & dear ones. Seriously, it maddens me no end if people don’t treat others with the same dignity and compassion that they’d expect from the society.

Btw, this is not a comprehensive list of the people I want to stay away from-its an indicative list ;) 10 just seemed to sexy to resist. Watch this space for “10 more types of people I would want to stay away from :)