Life Is

A riot of colors

Poetry in black and white

An evening spent in the company of laughter

A day dissolving tears in fire

The breeze that caresses your face

The footprint that melts after meeting the wave

The dew drops of hope that glisten in the sun

Moments consumed by the gluttony of thoughts

Crumbling under the pressure of convention

Getting resurrected by the levity of ambition

The mind wandering and searching for the truth

The heart stumbling on common desires

Experiences that clasp and mold

Events dispersed and tales untold.

Life is.

On my playlist

You can think of this as the filler post when I feel compelled to write but when words do not oblige. So I make do with my most material friend and report on what it plays for me. My top 5 for today:

1. Poker face by Lady Ga-ga: It is an addictive song that enters your mind and refused to be uprooted. My only regret is having watched the video: someone get that girl a stylist who makes her look good or a video director who shoots a better video.

2. Rehna Tu from Delhi-6: The lyrics are a killer and each time I hear this song, I catch myself wondering how a song dedicated to a city can feel like the most appropriate dedication to M. "Kabhi neem neem" from Yuva comes close though it gets a bit coy at times.

3. Maula by Atif Aslam: This is one of my favorite running tracks-gives a whole new meaning to getting to the destination. Something on the lines of U2's "still havent found what I'm looking for". Especially true when the restlessness at not having figured out purpose and lifemap, has not ceased. Credit to Panda for the introduction to the song.

4.Boom Boom Pow by Black Eyed Peas: The lyrics are silly but then this is one of the kickass songs that packs in such a punch that you can't help listening to it-the bass creates the same impact as a 'dhol' on your heartbeat.

5. Paper Planes by M.I.A- This is my favorite song on the album. Delivers the right level of angst and recklessness that a life on the street will witness. The dark undertone makes it delectable.

************************************************************************************

On a side note- has anyone watched this ridiculously bizarre piece of advertising for Amul Macho or some such chaddi-baniyan brand- it starts with how men are bowing down to women in every situation that was traditionally male dominated (e.g. karvachauth moon viewing, the arranged marriage tea tray scenario, eve teasing in bus, bike ride with brake for sufficient contact...you get the picture, yeah?) and then the pleas of the "abla Indian male" are finally heard and he gets a boon in the form of a banian- that too in a temple no less. Instructions from higher powers are to "stop this nonsense and become macho". The guy dons the banian and takes bold steps towards a gang of girls who are appropriately scantily clad. (Of course, the sheher ki ladki wears a hot red dress to a temple at night, didn't you know?). The swagger inducing banian also enables the guy to make lewd gestures and cause the gang of girls to shriek. Having put them in their place (beside the guy, with apsara like servile gestures), the guy faces the camera and the Voice over tells us " Yeh toh bada TOING hai".

WTF?

Kill me now.

Glimpses of May

This post took a long time coming- primarily because too many things were happening in life and I chose to live the moments and save the archiving for later. (save the archiving-haha?). So what did we do in May:
a) Hot Wheels-Though the acquisition of a car happened in April itself, the rubber hit the road in full earnest in May. With the set of wheels also came a series of discoveries and realizations. Of how blind we have been the past couple of years to road signs, road names and roads in general. Of how few U-turn signs there really are. Of not knowing where those signs are. Of not knowing that our life's savings could probably go away in parking charges. Of spending 50 mins in a parking lot and becoming more familiar with Basement 1 and Basement 2 than is usually recommended. Of how pleasurable getting dropped to and picked up from work can be. Of how much I now respect emotional decisions such as buying a car when the MRT 50m away from home gets operational. Of how much I now respect irrational decisions such as buying an Audi when it was always the Civic which made more practical sense.
b) The arrival of Logness- My full time household help, similar to the car, arrived in late April but made us feel the full consequence of the arrival only in May. Life's become simpler and better and more comical. Logness (not her real name) is a bit like the Audi- quiet, efficient and calm except for the fact that she has certain quirks. All of them we find just funny right now coz they dont really get in the way of actual performance. She walks real slow and usually focusses her eyes on the ground; She confuses potato and tomato, lauki and mooli and other similar sounding things. She bunches everyone without discrimination, under one common pronoun- She (so if I ask her "what's M doing?" the response is "she is talking on phone", " she went out already" etc.). She also extends this gender non-discrimination policy to our clothes- arranging M's clothes in my cupboard and my clothes in his :P (i'm inclined to ignore this subtle suggestion of cross dressing because M will really not fit into my clothes and for no other reason.) But on the whole, I really like her, not just because she is unassuming and sweet and likes reading , but also because she learns fast and tends not to make the same mistake twice :) May God bless her for being such a blessing to us.

c) Library Lass- On May 11th, I became the member of the National Library here. I kicked myself for not having done so in the last 3.5 yrs I've been here-but then, better late than never :) Now please allow for some gentle boasting of membership features- I can borrow 8 books at a time! (6 for self; 2 for Logness). I can also choose not to borrow silly X box games (plenty of which are there in the library!). I can also borrow magazines and other AV material. And the most thrilling thing is that the library keeps Indian authors- I think this perception of a complete absence of Indian authors at the local library had been my biggest hesitation in becoming a member- but one look at titles and I was sold! Since it's a network, I can borrow from any library and return to any other. I can also renew the titles online. How cool is that? I think I may not buy a book for a long time- also because I'm out of space in my current bookshelf and more importantly, out of space at my home to put another bookshelf.
d) Return of the fitness Nazis- Both M and I have resolved to get fitter and we did so by cancelling our gym membership :) Yeah, a bit of an anti-climax I know-but we realized that we were donating about 300 dollars a month to the gym and since this is not on the list of charities we support, we decided to put that money to better use! The free tough treadmill called the Road- yeah, that's our gym now. Also, I stopped turning up my nose at the gym at which I'm entitled for a free membership, courtesy my kind company. If tis free, tis good.
The burn of calories by running is being supported by a frequent intake of healthy food- we carry lunch+ snacks to office. (snacks here refers to fruits and salads btw). I've got taunts on becoming domesticated and carrying dabba, but I will persist and let my future higher metabolic rate send out a brusque revert.
Some of the dietary regime was also a result of a bone density test at work which showed that I have osteopenia (it sounds worse than it actually is!)- basically people with this have low bone density and are more prone to suffering from osteosporosis in future. Exercise and food rich in calcium such as bananas, milk, yoghurt etc help. As do calcium supplements. So nett, if I don't take care of my bones and the rest of my body, the ride ahead could get tough and tortuous.

On that solemn note, I shall go consume some banana milkshake and check out Sony's hyped new line up of shows. So long.

Cheer Up Time

This is from the glow worm caves at Lake Te Anau:
I wish I were a glow worm.
A glow worm's never glum.
It's tough to be gloomy,
When the sun shines outta your bum.
:)

The discontent in settling down

Gypsies and nomads lead charming lives. They do not bother with cash flows and assets. Hoarding is not a hassle. Gypsies and nomads also have no fixed address. A caravan to guide and a spirit to explore.

I look at our nest- bustling with newly acquired possessions of entertainment and mobility. I stare at sufficiency but do not find contentment. Do I need more to live more?

I do not shun responsibility. Nor do I want to flee the material mortal world for some silent meditation in the hills. I would not be able to life the ascetic life. Yet, I find myself brooding over this consumption led lifestyle which clips many other bohemian options in the bud. Again, the survival of an option is quite unrelated to that option being exercised.

I can't quit at the drop of a hat. I can't call myself fancy free. I can't live on love and fresh air.

I certainly come nowhere close to a gypsy.

Wish being hedonistic did not come at the cost of abandonment of all romantic notions.

The Missus misses

I'm missing the wet towel on the chair.

There isn't anyone screaming out my name 10 times and bug the hell out of me.

The guitar isn't losing its chord nor am I losing my mind.

There's still juice in the fridge.

But neither coffee nor cheer at home.

I've put on the TV so the silence won't gobble me up.

You've made living alone so very un-cool.

Now that you are away, I'm living with myself. 

I'd rather get my roomie back than be a better person. 

Come back you messy monster of mush. 

I'm missing you loads. More than I care to admit.

Besides I haven't said "chup kar" to anyone in 3 days!

Come back. Before I lose my nasty ways.

25 Random Things

25 Random things about me

(this is a tag I got on Facebook and from Goofy Mumma, Anu and others- most of my friends have already done this coz this was circulating a while back. If they haven't done it yet, I'm assuming it's coz they didn't feel upto it or had done a similar "quirks" tag earlier. Feel free to take it up)
1. For the longest time ever, I was really touchy about my height. To make myself feel better, I’d compiled a list of short people who were successful- Napoleon, Rachel Reuben, Sachin Tendulkar are names I remember from that list. It's ironic that most of my bosses have been really tall people! Life!
2. I loved watching Remington Steele. Pierce Brosnan was irresistible.
3. Your are likely to find more Hindi film songs on my playlist than English music. I can relate better to the lyrics and it doesn’t sound funny when I sing it in my natural accent.
4. I learnt classical music (hindustani) and dance (bharatnatyam) when I was a kid. I regret not pursuing these arts further.
5. I am intensely loyal to my friends and family-if you opt to criticize them in front of me, do so at your own risk.
6. I admire people who can do cart wheels.
7. I would rather be an Archeologist and spend my time discovering more about Mohenjodaro and Harappa, not only because I like the sound of these names.
8. I love watching movies. I love watching “Behind the scenes” specials even more. Especially the ones in which director, script-writers, cinematographers etc. are seen discussing story boards or camera angles or dialogues or lighting or costumes. I dream of directing a movie some day.
9. My mind works in pictures, which is why I love reading books so much. Each book is a new story waiting to be cast and played in the cinema of my mind.
10. I hate discussing intimate stuff with people at work. It just feels wrong and weird.Especially given that my mind has this visual bent.

11. I can’t bear to watch horror movies. I found “ Bhoot “ scary. I also hate the idea of kids being in horror movies. That too feels really wrong. There was this crappy movie called Darna Zaroori Hai or something and they showed kids with their eyes gouged out- I could not sleep that night.
12. I love the sound of bamboo wind chimes. Metallic ones don’t work for me.
13. I hate polite conversations and politically correct individuals.
14. My face has recruited an army of errant muscles that are not in my control and give away my true feelings. My face goes red when I am angry or embarrassed. Frowns automatically appear when I think someone’s not worth my time or is largely fully of crap. Needless to say, this has led to “situations” at work.
15. I usually don’t drink aerated drinks, unless it’s Mountain Dew. Ironically enough, my first job was at Pepsi. I preferred Thums Up when in college but drank only Pepsi products while working there. (I did mention loyalty somewhere, right?)
16. I prefer prose to poetry. I like limericks but don’t think those count.
17. Will choose brain over brawn. Especially if the brainy one plays the guitar :P
18. I love earrings and if my earrings are either missing or not co-ordinated with my clothes, I’m either feeling unwell or am deeply depressed.
19. I loved collecting shells and mica, when I was young. I found mica only in Nagpur. I have not found shells in Nagpur :)
20. My favorite line from Pride and Prejudice is “Mr. Darcy proposed! I scarce believe it.” (when I said random things- I meant it :))
21. I would like to write a book, open a restaurant and start my own business (in addition to the restaurant)- I do hope I find time, money and inclination to do all of these things.
22. Most of my wardrobe consisted of blue when I was in my teens. It took birthday presents and severe coaxing to make me wear anything that was not blue.
23. I have been called a stubborn mule. I think it was meant out of affection. :P
24. I don’t like people who brag and steal others’ thunder. I’d rather they take a dip in the drain or go suck an egg. (DT- owe you for this phrase :))
25. I hate making resumes and writing appraisal forms. I would rather stick to one job than make my CV again and I’d rather do my job than talk about what I did.

Leave of Absence

It's been a while since I visited this space. Allow me some time to dust away the cobwebs, open the windows and let the musty smell out.

I see that you missed me. Plenty happened in the past 6 weeks or so that I've been away and there must be reaps of pages that deserve to be devoted to stories that deserve to be told. As for most things in life, sequence is of no and every essence. NZ will pour in the posts that follow. My experiences in India shall come alive. Tales of house hunting and home finding will unfold. And this space will look inhabited once more.

But tarry a little. Dusting takes some time. I'm allergic to dust.

As for the leave of absence, I humbly beg you to consider my case and now, humbly I must take your leave.I shall return and yes, you could thank me for the warning.

Introducing Flooey

Flooey- apparently, is my (really early) birthday gift. Truth be told, she belongs to both of us (I say this only to keep the possibility of other gifts alive till April).

She is a Lenovo S-10 idea pad/ net book/a really small laptop that looks extremely cool. I realize the above photo does not do justice to her.

She is a charming white and weighs less than the books I read.

She is also responsive, unlike the work monster that takes 20 mins to boot and 5 mins to minimize a window.

She will also help me blog more often. (I'm not sure just how many would think that's a good feature..but oh well.)

I was earlier reluctant. Now I'm just proud. The transition was rather easy.

(If only I could think of kids in the same way..!!)

Shades and Patterns of Love

The deep blue of shared possibilities.

The beige of space in togetherness.

The orange of intimacy.

The crimson of petty fights.

*

The mustard of predictable routine.

The purple of unexpected touch.

The sandy white of that sleepy morning cuddle.

The grey of unmindful neglect.

*

The sepia of memories created with you.

The green of contentment.

The turquoise of a surprise gift.

The peach of willing adjustment.

*

The rusty brown of possessiveness.

The deep red that stokes passion.

The yellow of knowing what makes you happy.

The black that spells commitment.

*

The pink that gives a naughty nudge.

The burgundy of wanderlust.

The fluffy white of cushioned truths.

The silver and gold of vows.

*

The transclucent film of secrets.

The stripes of real fidelity.

The criss-cross of doubts and reservations.

The small circles of near surrender.

*

The shadow of vulnerability.

The metallic finish of need.

The damp touch of loneliness.

The satin smooth of being in your arms.

*

Sometimes vacuum.

Sometimes eternity.

The heady feeling

that tends to infinity.

Clouds are no longer grey

Apology is due.

I took off the last post and along with it, went the comments that spelt concern. There are a couple of reasons why I deleted it- well, for starters, it was just too damn negative and that goes by and large against the spirit of the blog- I definitely won't like to read this five years down the line and there's a fat chance that I'd get misty eyed about getting so neurotic.

The cyber life offers an 'undo' option and I'd have been a fool to ignore it.

It's only too clear that a horrid post like that could have impacted my friends enough for even innocent status messages to appear sinister. To be fair, my status message on gtalk reads: (Ready to face my worst fear in 2 weeks). Since it was so close on the heels to the whole post and the randomness in my behavior, I did get some very anxious queries on what the hell the matter was. So that's the second reason- I do not want to worry people who matter to me, especially since I got over the whiney mood after a mere 12 hrs of posting and subsequent deletion.

Incidentally, if you are wondering, the worst fear bit alludes to Bungee jumping which I shall force myself to do in NZ! It's my worst fear and well, action cures fear or so I've read. Time to test the theory- even if I sacrifice myself in the process!! :P

The grey clouds have parted and the silver lining is that I finally got down to putting together my list of "30 Before 30" (things to do before I turn 30). Even if it lacks the grand vision of life, it does give me a sense of purpose and hey, who doesnt like ticking things off their To-do list? That these are things that I will do to make self happy just doubles the joy of the tick mark :)

What are those 30 things? As policy that governs these lists dictates, I shall act first and gloat later. So if you hear me talk about weird stuff that I'm about to do, there's a high chance that it's because it's on the list. Or it could just be me being crazy!
You take care too.

Office crimes

Always brought on a smirk.-this sign in my office loo which told visitors to flush the toilet, throw waste in the basket and show courtesy to the next user. I wondered why they'd bothered to put such a stupid sign up. We were all educated grown ups who presumably had been toilet trained and did possess some basic sense of hygiene.
Imagine my shock then when at 8 pm today evening, I walked into a loo that resembled an unkempt public loo which had the tap open, tissue paper strewn on the floor and horror of horrors, the flush signal furiously blinking red!
The smirk has turned into dismay and disgust. Though guilty of hiring some process donkeys, my company has on an average, done a reasonably good job of hiring smart people. No one I know could I associate with such idiotic behavior. This is not an unwilling fart in the lift that you can try and fail to ignore. It just smacks of apathy, for what kind of hurry could induce such wilful neglect and indifference? What excuse could justify this utter lack of regard for others?

Now I'm wondering why that sign isn't in font size 42 because clearly a gentle reminder is not enough for people who work late but whose sense of shame has left early. Or why the instructions aren't more detailed with pictures & bold illustrations because clearly some of us haven't surpassed toddlers in matters of comprehension and propriety. Or why the cleaning staff must bear the brunt of these office crimes while the guilty roam scot free, making presentations to unsuspecting colleagues.

Birthday month tribute

You know you are in your late 20's when:

• You read about someone who's 16 and won a gold medal or invented something cool, and curse under your breath because it's been 10 goddamn years and you are nowhere closer to winning a medal or inventing something cool.
• The only question you ever get asked is "so when are you giving us the good news", which depending on whether you are single or not, could be interpreted as "when are you getting married"/ "when are you producing babies"/"tell us you are confident of your sexuality".
• Everyone around you seems to be questioning their purpose in life-surely it's not to be a best friend to excel sheets or the master proponet of jargon or to sell stuff to people who are doing perfectly well without it.
• Parents, relatives or sundry other do-gooders try pulling off stunts on shaadi.com to "help you settle you down" once and for all.
• Life emerges from the cubicle to pay a fleeting visit during weekends and vacations.
• You find your general likes and dislikes in life have really changed-it could be with the decade or less that's passed by when you discovered and froze opinions in your brain and now.
• Your nieces and nephews are on orkut and facebook or whatever the latest networking site is and say stuff like "wassup, coolio and adios" that totally freaks you out.
• Strangers with kids always make it a point to address you as "auntie/ uncle" and you cringe because two years back, "didi/bhaiya" would not have been totally out of question.
• Your body metabolism ain't what it used to be and a gym membership seems worth it.
• Health in general, begins to establish itself as a matter that needs attention.
• You suffer from intermittent neck/back/muscle pain and have been told your posture needs to improve. Damn the desk job.
• You yearn to study more or change your line of work or if not, emit anxious cribs about assignments and bosses that suck.
• Your hair line is either receding or you have lost count of grey hair. Either ways, a hair stylist occupies the place next to God.
• There are clothes in your wardrobe that you deem "too young"/ "fit for a teenybopper" but yet dont' want to let go of. Not until you turn 30 anyway.
• You have at least one fixed commitment (house/education loan or the likes) that binds you to your desk and your cribs.
• You wonder whether hostels in Europe will admit you. (They will, btw)
• The clock on your wrist isn't the only one ticking away.
• You click on the drop down menu on registration forms and it takes a while to scroll up to the year of your birth.
• More than half your country's population is younger than you. (Not if you are Japanese, though!)
• You regret both the time you spent growing up in a hurry and pretending to be a mature and responsible adult and the time when you yelled at your parents or stormed off in your ugly teens.
• You have at least one "what was I thinking" moment/ incident/ relationship that evokes regret and shudder and acts like an effective block against nostalgia.
• You realize there's so much more to life that you haven't a clue about and yet, that it's okay to discover answers one day a time.
• You joke about getting old and acting senile because you feel safe and invincible in the halo of the "twenty-something" tag.
• You write posts which do little to hide your underlying reluctance to turn older and your gross inability to turn wiser.

(I do think I will like this post when I turn 30. Yikes.)

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt like running away from it all because it seems so futile?
Have you ever run away from things only to realize that the reason for your escape is trivial?
Have you ever turned back and returned to the point when you threw in the towel?
Have you ever looked at that point with disdainful eyes, wondering how you got there in the first place?
Have you ever traced your steps back to the beginning of the journey and kicked yourself for getting the directions wrong?
Have you ever got the directions to your destination all jumbled up coz there are so many ways in which you thought and still think you could steer your life ?
Have you ever wondered why life can't just be about curling up in your bed and reading a book while the ipod deck hums out a gorgeous melody?
I sure am wondering exactly that right now. The rest was just to ensure this sounds like some nice philosophical turn of thoughts, without showing off my new ipod deck or without stating in simple terms that I really couldn't care less.
Have you ever said " I couldn't care less" and realized that's about the only truthful thing you said today? :P

Send me to Rehab

The thing about blogging is that it’s rather addictive- in both active and passive forms.
If you’ve cared to notice, my blogging frequency for this month has surpassed the number of posts I wrote in all of 2006. Earlier the question was umm, should I blog this month? Now, there are times when during a regular day I catch myself framing a sentence for my blog or thinking whether what I just said or did was blog-worthy. Waste of time-not really. Evolution of expression- arguably. Addiction- most definitely.

I like reading a few blogs and sometimes when I over-do it (read 5-6 posts one after the other), it wreaks havoc-I can hear stray phrases and sentences- incoherent little devils that float in my mind-it’s almost as exhausting as having long conversations with people, till your phone battery gives up and as addictive as multiple doses of caffeine! (Would have compared it to smoking-but nah..passive smoking isn’t addictive-esp not when smoke makes me sneeze. A lot.).

I do think I’ll have to trim the habit down a bit because these are not the only things I read. The mainstay still remains the world of books, newspapers and magazines. Those I shall definitely not give up or cut back on. And since my day job teaches me that my basket is finite and that for whatever I put in, something needs to go out- I’m wondering whether my greedy self can give up anything at all.

This year giving up exercise is not an option-fatness makes me banish the thought. Sleep defies all restraint & will power .Shopping is a necessary evil. Cooking-a cathartic timepass. TV is hardly visible behind the nine yard sarees & the 2 cm radius bindis that dominate the screen most of the time. What then do I sacrifice at the altar..who shall be the (blog)ificial lamb?

Aha, I think it will have to be Facebook-the connector to all acquaintances. I think I can save about 15 minutes a day if I don’t respond to any requests, do not take any mindless quizzes and ignore all application requests which ask me if my friends think I’m a hottie; what type of a stuffed animal I am and whether I think I am a bookshelf.
Now…which blog should I read in those 15 mins??

Wondering if I should take cover....

When I started this blog-it was anonymous and for most part of its existence, it's seen little activity-both from me, who posted sporadically and from the reader, who never came :P So the question of cloaking identity never really came up.
Gradually, I started giving out the blog address; dropping it shamelessly on my profile pages on social networking sites etc; even posting my life's scenes out here. But now, I wonder if that was a big mistake-whether this very act of telling the world upfront who this blog belongs to, doesnt actually make measured words and uncontroversial topics a mandate-I don't feel this blog can take the no-holds barred type of writing I want to indulge in.
Too many people I know have either read this in the recent past or will do so in the near future. And weird as it may sound-I'm not really willing to put up all aspects of my life for scrutiny and judgement, especially to those who know some of those aspects! Am I afraid of the judgement? Oh I don't know.
I am thinking of taking cover and just blasting off my thoughts without weighing in the nuances and reining the flight. I dont know whether I'll do that. just yet. As standard response to any decision, I'll procrastinate.
Ho hum.

Update
All I needed to unleash the bitchiness was a trigger and it was so readily provided. By whom? For that you'll have to read the blog where I officially let my dark side run wild. For a preview, click here: youhavetobeadumdumtoclickthis.blogspot.com :P Lovin' it.

Year of Change

Not quite the type to welcome change with open arms, I usually start with denial that morphs into terse acknowledgement and then an absolute capitulation because I for the life of me, can't remember why I didn't want the change in the first place. (Did I mention inertia is my best buddy?)

This has been more or less the pattern with most of the things that happened to me in the last 4-5 years: getting used to a hostel room, case studies, crummy software, changing cities, contact lenses, colors other than blue, mobile phone handsets, ipod, cheese..the list is endless.

The lyrics of one of my favorite songs (Bittersweet Symphony) had told me long ago-No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change, but I'm here in my mold , I am here in my mold. And I think I repeated it too many times for my own good.

Which is why I thought I'd make 2008 a year of change-where I will challenge status quo, scale greater heights and fight the demons of sloth & laziness. Okay maybe not-but please excuse, I saw the 3 LOTR movies over the weeekend and 9 hours of war, higher purpose, dominion of men & "maai precious" did distort my sense of reality a bit.

However, the resolve to make 2008 "the" year of change was strong and to prove just how strong, I took the "How lazy are you" quiz on Facebook, forwarded by makdee, who for some reason has gone underground (blogwise, I mean). I love those personality type MCQs-you can pretend to be what you want. Now only if Facebook too had taken the same pledge of change as me! The submit button led me to their cute apology page, from where I meekly clicked 'Go home' and shut down my computer in despair.

But no, I would not let the virtual world determine the course of my "change inducing" journey. To demonstrate how the positive waves of change had swept all over my old self, I did what I thought was impossible- cleaned my office trolley, which after 2 years of indiscriminate hoarding of junk, paper & training material (oh-that does get covered in junk!), just refused to let even a pencil inside. The vibes of change reverberated. I could feel the change- I tell you, the positivity almost choked me. (That sounds like Chopra and Oprah mixed into one :) Soul sistah, only.)

Thus began my journey of change. Here's listing the milestones of the week old trek-I read in some "cheesy" self-important book on change that in this journey no milestone/ resolution to get to that milestone is incosequential- and I believed it- I do take the written word more seriously than I should. After that detour, here goes: (hear the sound of check-check-check on those resolutions)

- Waking up at 8 am on Saturday to rush to the gym! The Yippie Kai Yay trip to Bali in March is a serious deadline by which I must swing back to shape or be a moronic mass forever.

- Not cursing/mentally abusing people as often as I did in 2007 I do want to be a nicer, kinder, gentler human being. Don't ask me why....

- Getting serious about cutting back on caffeine (actually cutting back is the next step- I have also read that change is a gradual process-hmm, I do believe what I read!)

- Calling up language & performing arts institutes & learning about the various courses on offer. Maybe my incoherent self just needs another mode of expression.

- Making a valiant effort at getting rid of this stone age machine my IT folks call a laptop but being told off by the service centre because though 2 years had expired, the warranty had not. (this seriously threatened my 2nd resolve-but will power won and I wrote them a happy new year mail instead)

-Taking charge of my finances and researching options to make better use of my money-investment, charity, travel, shopping trip- the plans are nicely plotted :)

- Doing what I loved to do-everyday: reading, going for walks and uninterrupted listening to music.

And inspite of the cynicism and the popcorn philosophy, there is one good that came out of the first change week of 2008- my will to recognize the small joys of life and to actually act on those mental maps- just paves the way for the bigger changes that I'm about to bring to my life this year. Yes, I can change, I can change, I can change, See me turning my mold.

I see you've started taking the written word seriously too, eh?

The Quirk tag

Oh this is so unfair- just when I was about to start my travel blog (yes the 19 day glorious Europe trip has ended..(sob sob.).but (smile, grin, bigger grin)..what a trip!! Wonderful experiences which deserve to be told in much greater detail. But first the tag- since McD insists she wants to know my quirks, here goes:
1. I frown- a lot-and most of the times, i dont know im doing it- I've been frowning since i was a kid-its the thing i do when i want to listen, to pay attention, to understand, to disagree, to think- so if you havent seen me frowning-dont think you've met me :P
2. I smile- coz I really do feel it doesnt take much and just makes you & others around you feel better. And as a rule, I dont trust people who remain unsmiling for the better part of the day-something menacing about that! There have been times when I've done it rather unwittingly, like the time I did it when a prof was asking me something and I hadnt been listening and he ticked me off with " you will not succeed in the corporate world with a sexy smile" or something to that effect. I didnt know whether to feel insulted with his stupid comment or happy with the compliment. I just frowned in response.
3. I have a security blanket called "Satin"- I have slept under it ever since I can remember (there have been times we've come back mid way from a journey just coz I had forgotten it at home and wont sleep without it) and though I can now, get sleep even without it-its like a hug, a comfort wrap, a pacifier-yes, i do realize it is inanimate but such a constant in my life. (and no its not a museum relic- my aunts and relatives have been gracious enough to gift me substitutes every now and then-though I do have a hard time adopting the new one & letting the old tattered one go.
4. Food is a mood changer (share this with McD)- its a Top of Mind item-always! Singular in its ability to uplift mood or cause it to sink to deeper than deep levels. I love food and I love being a foodie! Loads of quirks associated with food (eating maggi sandwiches, or licking off the cream from cream biscuits ..but too many to list down here)
5. Doing random activities like reading, making cards, writing etc while in vajrasana, walking or standing- My parents used to get quite concerned that I stood for hours while I made Diwali cards for friends and family-but I just couldnt sit on a chair and do those things. Did get a cramp in my legs sometimes and my legs went numb sitting in vajrasana for 3 hrs..but well, I did it my way!
6. The color blue- Till college, 90% of my clothes were blue and I would have ended up as a dyed in indigo version of Simi Garewal, had I suddenly not discovered my fascination for other colors. (yes, even yellow and tan).
7. Extreme panic & hysteria when I dont find something-even if its extremely inconsequential. This is a very time consuming and painful habit (ooops, was I supposed to call it a quirk?). I am a mad woman on most occasions but go raving mad when I cant find something where its supposed to be or where I last left it. On most such occasions, I find it where it was supposed to be-the bloody thing just did a darn good job of hiding itself for an hr! (Recent case in point precious hours saved by Rashie through the discovery of my earrings in the original container- just seconds before I was to embark on a massive hunt).
8. Matching tunes- I'm good at tracking tunes and songs which sound like each other. So I know that "tanhai tanhai" from koyla was actually used as a background score in "karaj arjun". Or that lage raho munnabhai is actually a modified version of a bong song (dhitang dhitang bole).
9. Rembering just antaras or mukhdas and not being able to retrace the start/end of the song is such a nightmare!
10. My hello on the phone and other not-so-glorious ways of saying things- have been ragged enough about the former (of how the accent is so acquired etc-its not by the way-its just been that way since I was a kid and we didnt even have satellite TV then-only the world this week). I do have a sing-song way of saying somethings and have been imitated enough by uncles & aunties & friends when all I said was "Could-I-speak-to-Divya" or shouted "aale aale" (coming!). For more ask DT and wicked meera :)
This is an open request to others- if you think of any other quirks (worth mentioning and not worth censoring), do leave a comment-always good to agree/deny/refute/frown/smile :)
And the travel blog will start tomorrow-any more delays and it will feel as dated as the Roman Forum.

My life looks like this right now. So many things to do-desperately fighting the "why didnt i do this earlier" thoughts as I set about listing down stuff that needs to get done before i leave on the Europe trip!

And all this when i just want to complete "in spite of the gods". Just where is the magic wand when you need it?

Good mood induced by good food & sundry others

The mood's awesome!!
And it has ze lot to do with the lovely lunch I treated me and family to at Original Sin.(highly reco'd-the food i.e. Dont think my family would like the idea of you wanting to try them). I want to learn how to make hummus-so I can keep more than myself happy :P (dont think everyone will get this-but that's ok)
Promotion news natually thrilled me but for a shorter period than expected-the effect wore off after the first 12 hrs-but that's usually the case with me-bad or good, things can't hold me for too long. The move to marketing is a bitter-sweet pill-Sweet coz i asked for it and finally got it-bitter coz in some ways, its like starting all over again. I just hope I can stick to this function for long enough-2 yrs in sales, almost 2 in CMK....I almost expect myself to find myself in finance or IT after 2 yrs! Dont bother absorbing that-its just my usual schizo cynical self. (why else do you think i'll sit and analyze my own good mood)
Good tidings also took the form of my UK visa approval-one less 'what-if' to get tormented by! And most of the hostels are booked too-save for salzburg. But the europe trip plan deserves an individual post. So getting on with another good mood inducer. X visited my orkut page and since curiosity could be my shorter middle name (current one is a mere 14 alphabets), I visited X's page and I blessed him-with a hearty laugh. Read on:
X says:
i m tough guy (ooh)......difficult to understand (dude-most ppl like it simple and if you understand yourself, wont really put it past others)...slightly romantic (ok!) ,,,,,, (notice how the comma has been used as a fullstoppish pause) highly temperd (with jeera and rai?),,i luv to make frnds (n i also thnk u lrnt ur eng thro sms).......but i don't like girls who show exessesive attitude (lil attitude u can take, huh?)........i like soft girls who can understand me exactly wat i m (contradiction-weren't you difficult to understand and what's this obsession with soft-u mean soft spoken, soft skin, soft in the head....a pillow?).........i simply give up myself in front soft girls.......... (Even i give up!)
Sorry-rather mean, but I honestly, dont understand how or why someone would say such things-about themselves too! Tee hee. And to think the guy had put Pierce Brosnan as his profile pic. You asked for it, bugger!!
I'm supposed to move house tomorrow,but there's no sign of the cartons the movers promised-Hmm...why do I sense my mood shifting to anxiety!