Jaws like that

It began as a mild discomfort near my right ear and jaw-something that I could dismiss and yet get on with life and sundry socializing. However by Sunday night, it had outgrown its discomfort status and assumed the bigger role of minor pain- at least one that ensured that I couldn't sleep on my right side.

By Monday morning, it seemed like a small mutiny by my facial bones, nerves and muscles that led to a sorry swelling around the joint which further gave way to immense pain as I struggled to chew breakfast.

The situation was dire enough to warrant a call to the beloved hospital whose sole redeeming factor is the proximity to office (it's just across the road).

Frantic me: "Could I get an appointment with the ENT specialist?"

Dorky girl: " Wait aa". " Let me check for you"

FM: .......

DG: " But let me check with you first....what is wrong with you?

FM: *a variety of things could fit in as appropriate answers* " You mean why I need an appointment?" I went ahead and described the pain etc.

DG: "So what is your diagnosis?"

FM: ???!!!! * at this point DG became Exasperating Girl. If I knew how to diagnose, I'd attached a Dr in front of my name and not waste my time on the call, yeah?* " I don't know why or what has caused this but I am interested in curing this and which is why I need the appointment"

EG: " Ok aaaa. Let me check for you"

FM: ........*are they measured on how many times they repeat this phrase during the day?"

EG:" There is no appointment for today. Tomorrow can?"

FM: No- there's too much pain- I need to see a doc today- what do you suggest?

EG: " Then you can go to the A&E department"

FM: "What's A&E?"

EG: "Accidents and Emergencies department"

FM: "Are you sure? Isn't that for more serious cases?"

EG: "It's ok lah. It's 24 hours. You'll get to see a doctor."

FM: "Ok then. Thanks." *for nothing?*

So that was how I landed up at the emergency department of this hospital. Now, unless you've been on a space mission or something, you would know that this is possibly the worst time to visit a hospital- especially if you sneeze every now and then and have also been overseas in the past 7 days. The swine flu precautions meant that at least 4 different people checked on my travel history, my temperature, my flight number, my address, my contact number and every other piece of information that I could reveal through my miserable jaw. I almost got sent to the communicable diseases centre coz of a mild sneeze- it was only after I assured the nurse that this was just a silly dust allergy that she finally asked me to go wait inside for someone to attend to me.

And so I waited, feeling rather guilty- there were old folks on wheelchairs, some people on stretchers, but for most part, the place was rather empty- sure, there were others who seemed quite all right but by sheer glance condemned me for infringing my undeserving ass on what was rightfully, an emergency chair. To prove that I belonged, I started wincing a bit and also made intermittent gestures to support my jaw. Truth be told, it was paining but since there was no obvious external injury- I felt quite unqualified to be sitting there. Thankfully, the nurse yelled out a nice distortion of my name and I proceeded to volunteer more information while my BP was checked. The funniest question was " What is the degree of your pain"- it was a 10 smiley scale which went from a sheepish zero for "None" to a wailing 10 for "Intense". I debated and judged my pain at a Mild 4.

I think that was a bad move- I had to wait another 30 minutes to see the doc, who spent all of 2 mins looking at my ears and referring me to an X-ray. Now the X-ray guy was obviously in need of some entertainment in life and since radiology is not exactly E!, he decided to amuse himself with specimens such as moi. Out of the 8 x-rays that he took, the last 4 deserve special mention. I had to lie down with one arm straight ahead, the other by my side,with my head looking up and my knee folded: all this for my jaw??- I really think they supply some of this footage to candid camera! In any case, after the 70 min wait, even I was in need of some entertainment- so I obliged.

Anyhow, 20 mins after the X-ray, the doc summoned me only to tell me that since he was no expert at ENT matters, he would prescribe some painkillers and try to get me an ENT appointment for the next day!

After a morning of pain and silly encounters, the prospect of sound sleep induced by painkillers can fill your mind with such joy! However, after 11 hours of sleep you don't really feel much except heavy disorientation. Sure the pain's gone but so is any sense of time or purpose.

I'm no closer to finding out how this silly pain started in the first place- I've been assured by a competent doctor (my mom) that this will go away in 2-3 days and that I should stop worrying.

The worst part is the impact this has had on the only happy constant of life- food- regular crunchy munchy food has become a bit of challenge- I've been asked to have only soft food- soup, porridge, khichdi, the likes. And so I veer between cerelac and mashed khichdi and my brain switches between infant and geriatric modes.

The one silver lining in sight is some unintentional weight loss that may occur as a result of this soft diet. Till then, it will be all bark, no bite. For the biatch in me, no respite. Jawly good, I say.